The day I threw out my former best friend

Life is interesting. We’re presented with so many ups and downs, good days and bad days.

I tend to have challenging days and a lack of patience is my biggest challenge. I can screw up a perfectly good day by being impatient. With the help of my husband, I’ve started to come to terms with being patient mainly because he’s impatient with my impatience.

“You know Deborah, just because you think someone should respond to your email right away, doesn’t mean they can or have to.” He’d say this to me. Of course people are supposed to respond right away, he just didn’t get it. Over time I’ve settled down about emails.

The other thing that really challenged me in the past, and would bring about a good or bad day, was what the scale told me in the morning. I’d get up, strip down, and weigh myself first thing. Instead of seeing numbers, it was like the scale was a fortune teller, “You have lost a pound; today will be a good day” or “You have gained a pound; today you will have a bad day. A very bad day.” I’m surprised I never threw the scale out of the house.

Until one day when I did. That was a good day. A very good day.

I realized that the scale was taking over my life and that by striving to see the number I wanted on the scale, I was manipulating and playing games with myself.

I decided it was time to get to know myself and learn to trust that I could make good decisions around food. I didn’t need a scale to tell me what to do. So, on that very good day, I threw the scale in the trash. It begged me not to. It claimed we had been best friends, but I knew better and into the trash it went.

And then, because I had relied on the scale to tell me when and what I could eat, I literally had to learn how to depend on myself. I felt like a small child experimenting with something unfamiliar. And of course there was the fear of gaining weight. Would I know when to stop eating? Would I make good choices? I practically had smoke coming out of my ears.

The journey to get to know myself was a little easy and a little hard. I found it was easiest to take one day at a time, to know I had everything I needed in that moment. I was breathing and it was okay to eat. Eventually, I learned to make the best choices for me in each moment. When I doubted myself, I’d take the time to ask why.

I did gain weight in the beginning because my body was regulating itself, but more importantly, my weight now stays fairly constant. I’m no longer challenged by the scale. I’m free to choose what kind of day I’m going to have and believe it or not, it’s rarely focused on food or my weight.