I stand in front of the mirror, naked, looking at myself.
Who is this woman with the mounds of flesh that cover her bones? Where are the hip bones that once protruded, a marker that defined success?
Where is that svelte body with the long, tanned legs that drew the eye upward to those protruding hip bones and flat stomach?
How well do you know your body? I have to admit that for forty years, I didn’t know my body at all. I totally dismissed what my body wanted as I tried to control it so I could be thin. If I felt hunger pangs, I’d ignore them. Actually, I was a bit meaner than that and told my body I didn't trust it because if I fed it, it would just go and get fat.
I was so stressed about food and controlling myself to be thin for so many years, I had sort of turned into a tightly wound person, someone who was totally focused on what I looked like. But let’s face it, trying to be something we’re not is a lot of work. It’s takes a lot of energy and quite frankly, it can make for a very ego-centric person.
Fortunately, the opportunity to learn about dieting and body image showed up in my life and I was able to see the mess I had created.
I like to eat and feel full which is why restrictive dieting never worked for me, even though I insisted on trying to control my weight for forty years.
A salad could only take me so far toward feeling satiated. And, if I’m being honest, I learned to really, really dislike salads, all low-cal foods, and dieting in general. Which begs the question, when you don’t like something, if it brings forward feelings of loathing, why are you continuing to engage? Well, for me, it boiled down to that size six dress in my closet. Or maybe it was the pants that absolutely needed me to eat salads for lunch and dinner in order to fit.
Truly, this is no way to eat nor is it any way to live.
What’s your definition of abundance? Do you see yourself living in abundance now and in the future? If not, why not?
This was a question I posed in an earlier post. If you didn’t have a chance to read it, you can find it here.
Many of us initially think of abundance as an overflowing of something, such as the abundance of rain we’ve had in the northeast or having so much money we could swim in it. But if we allow our perspective to shift a bit, we can see that having abundance means having what you need when you need it.